you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
