I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
