OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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