We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I could make wine with my vomit
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
