FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
