I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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