I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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