maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
