____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
