But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
