I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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