no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
