Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is wine microwaveable?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
