..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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