Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
