The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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