we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
