I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
be right there i have to get my cape
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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