I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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