im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
