found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
