from now on my penis is your penis
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
