dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
