i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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