I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize