It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
