That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
