Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
