my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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