Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
