glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
