oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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