I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
