i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
