My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
