Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Farmville is her only friend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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