How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
