I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
