..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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