tell your sister to shave her snatch
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
