dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize