Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
