never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
