Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
