he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
