shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
