why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
