WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
