It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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