Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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