covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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