We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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