I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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