Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
