we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
