Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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