Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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