That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize