You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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