Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize