So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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