i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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