Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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