I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
