You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
