and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
